Lawak MyMil

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bayangkan kalau ade jenama barang harian yang kita selalu guna macam dalam gamba kat atas......

ha3, sure cepat bebeno jadi hit dlm pasaran...

Malas sekolah...

Jam sudah pun menunjukkan pukul tujuh pagi. Salim masih lagi berdengkur. Ibunya pun segera mengejutkannya untuk ke sekolah.

Ibu: Salim…Salim…bangun nak, pergi sekolah, nanti kamu terlambat.

Salim: Alah mak… Salim tidak mahu pergi ke sekolah!

Ibu: Apa? Tidak mahu pergi sekolah?! Baik… Salim berikan emak dua sebab mengapa Salim tidak mahu ke sekolah.

Salim: Semua murid-murid tak suka Salim. Guru-guru di sekolah pun tak suka pada Salim!

Ibu: Itu bukan alasan bagi Salim untuk tidak ke sekolah. Cepat, bangun sekarang!”

Salim: Baiklah, sekarang emak pula berikan Salim dua sebab mengapa Salim mesti pergi ke sekolah.

Ibu: Eh…eh…bertuah punya anak! Salim dengar baik-baik…. Pertama: Salim sudah berusia lima puluh tahun….. Kedua: Salim kan PENGETUA SEKOLAH….!!!”

satu hai ade 3 orng asli pergi memburu di dalam hutan.seorang name otak,gaduh dan gila.ketiga2 meraka telah sesat dalam hutan dan salah seorang dari mereka telah sesat dari kumpulan iaitu gadoh namenye.30 minit kemudian otak dan gila telah membuat keputusan untuk melaporkan pada polis setelah keluar nanti dari hutan.
setelah keluar mereka pergi ke balai untuk membuat report dan salah seorang dari mereka tunggu di luar dan telah terjadi lah dialaong ni di dalam balai polis.

POLIS:ye encik ape saya boleh tolong?

ORENG ASLI:saye datang nak cari gadoh.

POLIS:ape awak ni gile ke?

ORANG ASLI:ya memang saya gile.

POLIS:otak ade otak?

ORANG ASLI:otak?ade,ade di luar.

warthog wrote:satu hai ade 3 orng asli pergi memburu di dalam hutan.seorang name otak,gaduh dan gila.ketiga2 meraka telah sesat dalam hutan dan salah seorang dari mereka telah sesat dari kumpulan iaitu gadoh namenye.30 minit kemudian otak dan gila telah membuat keputusan untuk melaporkan pada polis setelah keluar nanti dari hutan.
setelah keluar mereka pergi ke balai untuk membuat report dan salah seorang dari mereka tunggu di luar dan telah terjadi lah dialaong ni di dalam balai polis.

POLIS:ye encik ape saya boleh tolong?

ORENG ASLI:saye datang nak cari gadoh.

POLIS:ape awak ni gile ke?

ORANG ASLI:ya memang saya gile.

POLIS:otak ade otak?

ORANG ASLI:otak?ade,ade di luar.

ha3, mmg lawak seyyyy

warthog wrote:satu hai ade 3 orng asli pergi memburu di dalam hutan.seorang name otak,gaduh dan gila.ketiga2 meraka telah sesat dalam hutan dan salah seorang dari mereka telah sesat dari kumpulan iaitu gadoh namenye.30 minit kemudian otak dan gila telah membuat keputusan untuk melaporkan pada polis setelah keluar nanti dari hutan.
setelah keluar mereka pergi ke balai untuk membuat report dan salah seorang dari mereka tunggu di luar dan telah terjadi lah dialaong ni di dalam balai polis.

POLIS:ye encik ape saya boleh tolong?

ORENG ASLI:saye datang nak cari gadoh.

POLIS:ape awak ni gile ke?

ORANG ASLI:ya memang saya gile.

POLIS:otak ade otak?

ORANG ASLI:otak?ade,ade di luar.

Hehehe.... ada kawan saya dulu ni dia PPH kawasan Grik... kerja dia selalu nya masuk hutan dan periksa kampung orang Asli... macam-macam lah, ada kala bawa doktor masuk, ada kala nya periksa rekod pendaftaran orang Asli samada ada surat beranak, kad pengenalan dll... secara tak langsung, detect elemen komunis dll juga.... So, cerita lawak nya di sini... nama dalam surat beranak dan kad pengenalan... ada nama Ping Pong, Helikopter anak-anak orang Asli ni... Dorang beri nama berdasarkan apa yang dorang suka/minat/takjub... hehe

Laxamana wrote:

warthog wrote:satu hai ade 3 orng asli pergi memburu di dalam hutan.seorang name otak,gaduh dan gila.ketiga2 meraka telah sesat dalam hutan dan salah seorang dari mereka telah sesat dari kumpulan iaitu gadoh namenye.30 minit kemudian otak dan gila telah membuat keputusan untuk melaporkan pada polis setelah keluar nanti dari hutan.
setelah keluar mereka pergi ke balai untuk membuat report dan salah seorang dari mereka tunggu di luar dan telah terjadi lah dialaong ni di dalam balai polis.

POLIS:ye encik ape saya boleh tolong?

ORENG ASLI:saye datang nak cari gadoh.

POLIS:ape awak ni gile ke?

ORANG ASLI:ya memang saya gile.

POLIS:otak ade otak?

ORANG ASLI:otak?ade,ade di luar.

Hehehe.... ada kawan saya dulu ni dia PPH kawasan Grik... kerja dia selalu nya masuk hutan dan periksa kampung orang Asli... macam-macam lah, ada kala bawa doktor masuk, ada kala nya periksa rekod pendaftaran orang Asli samada ada surat beranak, kad pengenalan dll... secara tak langsung, detect elemen komunis dll juga.... So, cerita lawak nya di sini... nama dalam surat beranak dan kad pengenalan... ada nama Ping Pong, Helikopter anak-anak orang Asli ni... Dorang beri nama berdasarkan apa yang dorang suka/minat/takjub... hehe

kat julau dulu ada sahabat ... nama die benang ank jarum ... belum jumpa lagi aku ank haram...

Surat Isteri kepada Suami

Dear abang,

Ayang nak mintak kebenaran abang untuk bawa anak-anak balik ke kampung. abang tak perlu hantar ayang sebab ayang mampu untuk bawa anak-anak ke kampung musim cuti sekolah ni dengan bas.. abang jagalah diri abang dan motot abang baik-baik… cuma ada perkara yang ingin ayang luahkan disini…

motot baru abang tu mahal.. harga mencecah 100k barangkali.. sebab tu abang sayangkan motot abang lebih dari ayang… sampaikan abang dah terlena atas motot abang tu sejak abang beli 3 bulan yang lalu dah masuk 3 malam… abang sayangkan motot abang lebih dari ayang, nak tau ngape?

Harga motot abang tu lebih mahal dari wang hantaran yang ayah ayang letakkan masa kita kahwin dulu.. cuba hantaran ayang lebih mahal dari harga motot abang?

Tiap-tiap pagi abang mesti gosok motot abang, nak nampak berkilat..tapi ayang nak dapat kiss g.morning pun susah

Sejak beli motot tu, sebulan sekali macam-macam aksesori abang beli kat motot, ayang nak dapat hadiah besday setahun sekali pun susah..

Motot sebulan sekali abang servis, abang kata kena jaga maintainance. ..ayang nak dapat pi salon setahun sekali pun susah…

Motot abang make up lawa-lawa.. tapi kalau ayang make up lawa-lawa abang kata ayang tak sedar diri motot abang bagi makan minyak mahal-mahal cecah 100 setin pun ada, ayang nak makan pizza sekeping jer masa mengidam anak kedua kita abang kata ayang mengada-ngada.

Motot abang kalau anak-anak sentuh sikit bodynya abang marah anak macam nak makan, ayang jatuh longkang besar boleh abang gelak

Paling menyedihkan. .. ayang tanya ngape tidur dekat motor? abang jawab takut orang curi motor abang.. kalau ayang kena curi??

Ayang nak balik kampung dulu.. anak-anak nak jumpa atuk dengan nenek depa.. tak nak naik motot abang takut calar.. ayang calar takpe.. jaga diri elok-elok, sarapan ayang dah sediakan. ayang pi tak lama sekolah bukak ayang balik lah dengan anak-anak.. pesanan ayang..

ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU MASAK MAKANAN KESUKAAN ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU BASUHKAN PAKAIAN ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU GOSOKAN KEMEJA ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU SIAPKAN AIR MANDI ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU KEMASKAN RUMAH ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU URUT-URUT BADAN ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU TEMANKAN ABANG TIDUR

Love,

ayang

Balasan Surat Suami kepada Isteri

Dear Ayang,

bukanlah abang sayang motor tu lebih dr ayang.. tapi ayang kene faham
motor tu motor bos abang nnti kalau ilang siapa nak ganti..

ayang abang suruh keja ayang xnak, ayang kata nak dok umah jaga anak,nak siap kan sarapan nak kemas umah tapi ayang tiap2 hari bgn tido kul 12.. macam mana nak wat keja umah..

cuba lah ayang pk mana x abang tido atas motor..
abang balik keja lambat skit ayang dah kunci pintu..bukan nye abang gi foya2 kan abang gi keja...

lagi satu pasal piza yang ayang ngidam tu.. ayang nak piza yg di oder dr jepun.. mana lah abang ada duit nak oder.. abang nak bg apam balik yg jual kat depan ofis abang ni ayang xnak, ayang nak jugak piza dr jepun..
nasib baik abang x belikan kalau x anak kedua kita tu mesti muka cam
doremon..ish xnak laa abang..

pasal hadiah kan abang dah belikan tapi abang sembunyi kan kat dapur.. ayang yang tersalah buang ingatkan sampah.. tu lah abang suruh kemas umah tu ayang kata umah kita dah bersih tapi hadiah
dgn sampah pun dah jadi serupa jek..hadiah tu mahal tau abang beli untuk ayang..

sebenarnye abang sayang ayang lebih dr motor tu wlau pun hantaran masa kita kawin cuma rm80k..ayang x tau bpe kali abang turun naik bank nak wat loan rm80k..tapi demi ayang abang wat jugak..
sbb masa tu ayang kalau mekup mmg sebijik maya karin.. tapi sejak ayang wat rebonding 3 tahun lepas stp kali ayang mekup abang terbayang lak muka pontianak dlm citer phsm..

bukan ayang x cantik tapi kening ayang tu gi cukur wat per.. wlau pun abang selalu cukur janggut abang tapi ayang xyah laa nak cukur kening ayang tu...

pasal morning kis tu, ayang bgn pun dah tghri nak morning kis cam mana.. dah laa ayang.. abang malas nak citer..

tapi abang nak bg tau jgk kat sini ayang tetap no 1 dlm hati abang..
nanti kalau naik bas tu bebaik.. ayang nak balik kpg abang izinkan cuma
jgn lupa kim salam kat mak ayah kat sana.. kalau ada gulai tempoyak ke nnti jgn lupa bwk balik skit..

kalau ada lembu terlepas ke ayang xyah laa susah2 gi kejar lembu tu... biar jek.. nnti abang balik kpg abang kejar kan..bukan
apa takut lembu tu tanduk ayang nnti bukan stakat calar jek silap2 leh masuk hspital.. abang kene tanduk xpe.. jaga anak2 baik2 jgn bagi diorang main kat sungai musim2 banjir ni.. nak dpt anak bukan senang takut nnti ayang ngidam lagi piza jepun lak lagi haru.. baik jaga jek yg dah ada tu..ayang pun

jaga diri baik2.. jgn sampai jatuh longkang lagi.. hehe.. abang mmg xnak ketawa masa tu tapi nak wat cam mana ayang jatuh kepala dulu yang masuk longkang..dah laa rambut ayang masa tu baru lepas rebonding.. mmg abang kesian tapi muka ayang lepas jatuh longkang tu xleh abang nak bayang kan cam mana....tgk laa sendiri gambar tu....

ok lah ayang.. nnti lepas cuti skolah kita jumpa lagi eah.. bye ayang

love,
abang

venez wrote:Surat Isteri kepada Suami

ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU MASAK MAKANAN KESUKAAN ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU BASUHKAN PAKAIAN ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU GOSOKAN KEMEJA ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU SIAPKAN AIR MANDI ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU KEMASKAN RUMAH ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU URUT-URUT BADAN ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU TEMANKAN ABANG TIDUR

Love,

ayang

baiklah ayang, tuhan saja yg taww betapa abang sangat menyayangi ayang. oleh itu walaupun hati abang nih berat, tapi abang akan menghormati dan menuruti kehendak ayang.

sepemergian ayang ke kampung, dengan bermodalkan motor abang tu, abang akan dapatkan aweks2 yg leh...

MASAK MAKANAN KESUKAAN ABANG
BASUHKAN PAKAIAN ABANG
GOSOKAN KEMEJA ABANG
SIAPKAN AIR MANDI ABANG
KEMASKAN RUMAH ABANG
URUT-URUT BADAN ABANG, dannn...
TEMANKAN ABANG TIDUR...

ayang jangan risaukan abang, ok...

Love you very much.

Abang.

tin wrote:

venez wrote:Surat Isteri kepada Suami

ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU MASAK MAKANAN KESUKAAN ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU BASUHKAN PAKAIAN ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU GOSOKAN KEMEJA ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU SIAPKAN AIR MANDI ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU KEMASKAN RUMAH ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU URUT-URUT BADAN ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU TEMANKAN ABANG TIDUR

Love,

ayang

baiklah ayang, tuhan saja yg taww betapa abang sangat menyayangi ayang. oleh itu walaupun hati abang nih berat, tapi abang akan menghormati dan menuruti kehendak ayang.

sepemergian ayang ke kampung, dengan bermodalkan motor abang tu, abang akan dapatkan aweks2 yg leh...

MASAK MAKANAN KESUKAAN ABANG
BASUHKAN PAKAIAN ABANG
GOSOKAN KEMEJA ABANG
SIAPKAN AIR MANDI ABANG
KEMASKAN RUMAH ABANG
URUT-URUT BADAN ABANG, dannn...
TEMANKAN ABANG TIDUR...

ayang jangan risaukan abang, ok...

Love you very much.

Abang.

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makin parah si abe tin nih..

marc_zman wrote:

tin wrote:

venez wrote:Surat Isteri kepada Suami

ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU MASAK MAKANAN KESUKAAN ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU BASUHKAN PAKAIAN ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU GOSOKAN KEMEJA ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU SIAPKAN AIR MANDI ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU KEMASKAN RUMAH ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU URUT-URUT BADAN ABANG
ABANG SURUHLAH MOTOR ABANG TU TEMANKAN ABANG TIDUR

Love,

ayang

baiklah ayang, tuhan saja yg taww betapa abang sangat menyayangi ayang. oleh itu walaupun hati abang nih berat, tapi abang akan menghormati dan menuruti kehendak ayang.

sepemergian ayang ke kampung, dengan bermodalkan motor abang tu, abang akan dapatkan aweks2 yg leh...

MASAK MAKANAN KESUKAAN ABANG
BASUHKAN PAKAIAN ABANG
GOSOKAN KEMEJA ABANG
SIAPKAN AIR MANDI ABANG
KEMASKAN RUMAH ABANG
URUT-URUT BADAN ABANG, dannn...
TEMANKAN ABANG TIDUR...

ayang jangan risaukan abang, ok...

Love you very much.

Abang.

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makin parah si abe tin nih..

Abe tin mmg kena kawen scepat yg mungkin nei marc...
Marc xda calon2 k tok abe tin kat putra jaya nun...

Lawak bazar ramadhan...

1) Kuih paling Gengster - Lompat Tikam
2) Kuih paling seksi - Puteri Mandi
3) Kuih paling keji - Taik Itik
4) Kuih badjet cute - Cek Mek Molek
5) Kuih awet muda - Seri Muka
6) Kuih paling alim - Kuih Ketayap
7) Kuih penyakit lelaki kronok - Batang Buruk
Kuih paling bahaya - Kuih Bom
9) Kuih paling tenteram - kuih makmur
10) Kuih paling lembab - kuih siput
11)Kuih suka pukul -Kuih Lompang
12) kuih Dalam Zoo - Badak Berendam
18)kuih kongsi gelap= kuih pau

Siswa: Saya kurang faham mengenai teori yang Prof terangkan tadi
Pensyarah: Mcm mana awak nak faham, saya sendiri pun tak faham!

beware of lawyers..atau and mungkin kena bobbitt


THE ART OF LANGUAGE BY A SEASONED LAWYER !

Gotta admit, this one made me laugh. It's one of the best "lawyer" emails I've seen . . . ...

A well-argued court case.
The beauty of a language and the art of constructing the words of the language significantly lead to their meaning. This is not a case of twisting, but of the refined manner of presentation by witty minds.

A good case for reference.

One evening, after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well-dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them.

One of the men turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250 to spend the night with that woman."

Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard their remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer."

She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.

The following morning, as he prepared to leave, the man gave her $125.

She demanded the rest of the money, stating, "If you don't give me the other $125 I'll sue you for it."

He laughed, saying "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."
Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit.

He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."

After the usual preliminaries, the lady's Lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask that judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance."

The defendant's lawyer was not only surprised but also impressed AND amused by the way his opponent had presented the case.
Naturally, his defence was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it, but he rose to the occasion!

'Your honor," he said, "My client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labour performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."

The young lady's lawyer answered, "Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted."

In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options: "Pay the balance of $125 to the plaintiff, or have the equipment detached from its current location and provide it to the plaintiff for damages."

The defendant wrote out a cheque immediately.

nice one mochi,,,,wakakakak

Selamat berterawih Bro dan bertenaga selepas membacanya!

bengong...hahahahaha
tau takut!

Definisi pangkat SAF dlm versi lawak (aku ambik dri Uncyclopedia)

Officers
LTA - Listening To Advice because your officer-commanding told you to do so and you cannot disobey. LTA normally graudates to work in the Land Transport Authority and listen to the advices by traffic police.
CPT - Call Please Thanks, too busy with work, no time to reply
MAJ - Must Always Joke so that people in SAFTI MI will recognise your "Leadership" and send you to command
LTC - Later Then Confirm because you have too many meetings to attend
COL - Content Over Leadership since you have already commanded so many people
BG - Better (be) Gone, so that someone can replace you...
MG - Media Glamour, especially if you are Chief of Army, pictures always taken for mass media purposes
LG - Life's good, nowhere higher to go, nothing to do also. (Too bad Singapore do not have a 4 star general!!) Perhaps you can into Singapore administrative services, the place where you can go into politics. LG generals also organise an annual party cum chalet at the government owned Aloha Resort where a lucky draw will be held and the winner will walk away with a 42 inch Plasma LG TV.

Warrant Officers, Specialists, and Enlistees
REC - Really Enduring Camp in Tekong
PTE - Physically Trained Expert after Tekong
LCP - Lowest Confident Personnel in camp due to inexperience, also known as "Lan Chao Bing"
CPL - Cannot Play Liao because you are a senior NSF, also known as "Kao Beh Lang" as they always complain a lot
SGT - Saying Goodbye Thank you, because you are at the end of your service
SSG - Showing Social Grace by asking people to call you staff instead of sergeant
MSG - Must Say Good no matter what your commanders so that you get your 1st eppaulette on your shoulder faster. Once you attain this rank, personnels ranked CPL and below automatically become your slaves and they must address you as "Master".Likewise Known as "Sia Kang King" especially in Airbase defence units.
MWO - Must Watch Out for n00bs making mistakes and make them sign extra
SWO - Still Waiting Orders because you are somehow still lower ranked than commissioned officers even if you have loads more experience than them

Taken from a friend. After the Lahad Datu stand-off with the Sulu Sultanate Soldiers...there's another one closer to home...

A Malaysian warship stops four Indonesians in a row boat rowing towards Port Klang. The Captain gets on the loud- hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed ?"

One of the Indonesians puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "We are invading Malaysia to reclaim the territory taken by the Malaysians during the 1800's."

The entire crew of the warship doubled-over in laughter.

When the Captain is finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you ?"

The same Indonesian stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The rest are already there..!!"

But seriously folks fikir-fikirkanlah :-)