Lawak MyMil

venez wrote:

zulupapa wrote:sekarang ni masih ada lagi ke pembayaran gaji mcm ini ke???

kawad selaku terima gaji rasanya dh xder, melainkan masa ambik millage claim, tuh pun kalau peg pembayar suruh, kalau x ambik duit melenggang jerk, he3

venez wrote:ok2, nih aku citer 1 kisah sempoi, maybe korang pernah dgr...

Kisah nih berlaku diatas KD JEBAT semasa final demo Eks Angsa tahun 2006.. Alkisah selepas demo menyusup masuk kapal dari udara dan laut selesai, Panglima ketiga-tiga perkhidmatan besembang sambil menyatakan kehebatan Pasukan Khas masing2... TDM dgn kehebatan GGK dia, TLDM dgn kehebatan PASKAL dia dan x lupa TUDM dgn kehebatan PASKAU dia.. dari sembang2 kosong di bridge terus jadi sembang serius ke main deck...

'Korang x percayake yang PASKAL aku yang paling hebat dan berani antara ketiga-tiga pasukan khas dlm ATM' kata PTL

'ha3, mana ada, GGK yang paling hebat dan berani dlm ATM' ujar PTD

PTU x berkata apa2, sekadar senyum..

'apa kata kita adakan pertandingan utk melihat keberanian anggota pasukan khas kita' kata PTD

'baik, sy mulakan dgn anggota PASKAL saya' kata PTL sambil melihat kiri kanan utk mencari anggota paskal.. 'Trooper' sergah PTL kepada seorang anggota PASKAL

'Panglima' jawab anggota PASKAL tersebut sambil berlari kehadapan PTL dan terus berdiri tegak

'aku nak kau pusing KD Jebat nih dgn gaya renangan PASKAL (ikat kaki n tangan sambil pisau di mulut) dlm masa 4 minit, go' arah PTL

'baik panglima' jawab trooper PASKAL sambil menyiapkan diri dan terus terjun berenang gaya PASKAL keliling KD JEBAT...

3 minit 30 saat berikutnya

'Siap Panglima' kata trooper sambil berdiri tegak dihadapan PTL

dato2 tgk, budak aku buat 3 minit, 30 saat jerk' ujar PTL sambil menunjukkan 'thumb up' kepada trooper dia..

' baik dato, tgk anggota komando sy pulak beraksi' jawab PTD sambil mata memerhatikan anggota2 di atas deck utk mencari mangsa

'komando' jergah PTD

'panglima' jawab sorang komando sambil berlari dan menghentak kaki di hadapan PTD

'aku nak ngko dgn complete FSMO berenang keliling KD JEBAT dlm masa 3 minit' arah PTD

'baik panglima' jawab anggota GGK dgn ringkas dan terus terjun kedalam laut complete FSMO...

2 minit 50 saat berikutnya

'siap panglima' ujar anggota komando sambil berdiri dihadapan PTD

'hah, dato2 semua tgk, anggota aku buat baru 2 minit 50 saat jerk' kata PTD sambil tersenyum dan mencekak pinnggang

'dato, kami tgk dato asyik senyum jerk' kata PTD kepada PTU

'bukan saja2 aku senyum, dato2 belum tgk kegilaan dan keberanian anggota PASKAU lagi' jawab PTU dgn senyum lebar

'mustahil nih, xkan ada org yang boleh hebat dari GGK, cuba dato buktikan' ujar PTL

'baik, kejap sy cari anak buah sy jap' jawab PTU sambil pusing kira kanan cari anggota PASKAU yang selalu invisible, he3

'adapun, kopral.. datang sini kejap' arah PTU kepada seorang anggota PASKAU

'ya dato, ada apa?' jawab anngota PASKAU sambil jalan slow rock kearah PTU, setiba didepan PTU terus berdiri senang diri didepan PTU

'aku nak ngko pikul enjin bot RIB nih dan berenang keliling KD Jebat dlm masa 2 minit' arah PTU

'2 minit? panglima gila ke? mana ada org boleh buat dlm masa 2 minit, silap2 kalau gopoh2 mau tenggelam kat bawah kapal' jawab anggota PASKAU dgn selambe

'ha, dato2 semua tgk, betapa berani, gila n smartnyer anggota PASKAU sy nih' kata PTU sambil tersenyum lebar dek kerenah anak buahnyer

PTD dan PTL terus tersenyum...

zulupapa wrote:bila cerita pasal pembayaran gaji ni .... teringat satu kes dimana seorang CO (isterinya orang putih) ni dah songlap duit gaji anggotanya ..... bahkan terus menghilangkan diri sehingga kini .......

venez wrote:

zulupapa wrote:sekarang ni masih ada lagi ke pembayaran gaji mcm ini ke???

kawad selaku terima gaji rasanya dh xder, melainkan masa ambik millage claim, tuh pun kalau peg pembayar suruh, kalau x ambik duit melenggang jerk, he3

kerambit75 wrote:Bertemu kembali bersama DJ jazim - dengarkan lawak petang Khamis ni.........

atreyudevil wrote:yg pork joke tu ke ven?

venez wrote:

atreyudevil wrote:yg pork joke tu ke ven?

yup, sampai pkul 3 pagi pun buat lawak lagi, muhahaha

kerambit75 wrote:

venez wrote:

atreyudevil wrote:yg pork joke tu ke ven?

yup, sampai pkul 3 pagi pun buat lawak lagi, muhahaha

* A witticism attributed to Lycurgus, the legendary lawgiver of Sparta, was a response to a proposal to set up a democracy there: "Begin with your own family."

* On another occasion, Lycurgus was reportedly asked the reason for the less-than-extravagant size of Sparta's sacrifices to the gods. He replied, "So that we may always have something to offer."

* Being asked what sorts of exercises and martial arts he approved of, Lycurgus responded, "All types, except those in which you stretch out your hand."

* When he was consulted on how Spartans might best forestall invasion of their homeland, Lycurgus advised, "By remaining poor, and each man not desiring to possess more than his fellow."

* When asked whether it was advisable to build a defensive wall enclosing the city, Lycurgus answered, "A city is well-fortified which has a wall of men instead of brick."

* King Charilaus, explaining why the list of Spartan laws was so short, said: "Men of few words require few laws."

* King Demaratus, being annoyed by someone asking him who the most exemplary Spartan was, answered "He that is least like you."

* When the Persians sent envoys to the Spartans demanding the traditional symbol of surrender, an offering of soil and water, the Spartans threw them into a deep well, suggesting that upon their arrival at the bottom, they could "Dig it out for yourselves."

* On her husband Leonidas's departure for battle with the Persians at Thermopylae, Gorgo, Queen of Sparta asked what she should do. He advised her: "Marry a good man and bear good children."

* When Leonidas was in charge of guarding the narrow mountain pass at Thermopylae with just 7,000 Greek men in order to delay the invading Persian army, Xerxes offered to spare his men if they gave up their arms. Leonidas replied "Molon labe", which translates to "Come and take them". Today this is the motto of the Greek 1st Army Corps.

* When he was asked why he had come to fight such a huge host with so few men, Leonidas answered, "If numbers are what matters, all Greece cannot match a small part of that army; but if courage is what counts, this number is sufficient." On being again asked a similar question, he replied, "I have plenty, since they are all to be slain."

* Herodotus recounted another incident that preceded the Battle of Thermopylae. The Spartan Dienekes was told the Persian archers were so numerous that when they fired their volleys, their arrows would blot out the sun. He responded with “So much the better, we'll fight in the shade”. Today Dienekes's phrase is the motto of the Greek 20th Armored Division.

* On the morning of the third and final day of the battle, Leonidas, knowing they were being surrounded, exhorted his men, "Eat well, for tonight we dine in Hades."

* Leonidas asked a Spartan to take a final communication about the battle home; the man declined, saying "I came here to fight, not to act as a messenger." He made the same request of another Spartan, and received the reply: "I shall do my duty better by staying here, and in that way the news will be better."

* When asked by a woman from Attica, "Why are you Spartan women the only ones who can rule men?", Gorgo replied, "Because we are also the only ones who give birth to men."

* Also from Herodotus: "When the banished Samians reached Sparta, they had audience of the magistrates, before whom they made a long speech, as was natural with persons greatly in want of aid. Accordingly at this first sitting the Spartans answered them that they had forgotten the first half of their speech, and could make nothing of the remainder. Afterwards the Samians had another audience, whereat they simply said, showing a bag which they had brought with them, 'The bag wants flour.' The Spartans answered that they did not need to have said 'the bag'; however, they resolved to give them aid."

* After being invited to dine at a public table, the sophist Hecataeus was criticized for failing to utter a single word during the entire meal. Archidamidas answered in his defense, "He who knows how to speak, knows also when."

* Spartan mothers or wives gave a departing warrior his shield with the words: "With it or on it!", implying that he should return (victoriously) with his shield, or (his cremated body in an urn) upon it, but by no means after saving himself by throwing away his heavy shield and fleeing.

* Upon being asked to come hear a person who could perfectly imitate a nightingale, a Spartan answered, "I have heard the nightingale itself."

* When asked what dowry she was giving her bridegroom, a poor Spartan girl said: "My father's common sense."

* After an Athenian accused Spartans of being ignorant, the Spartan Plistoanax agreed: "What you say is true. We have learned none of your evil ways."

* One famous example comes from the time of the invasion of Philip II of Macedon. With key Greek city-states in submission, he turned his attention to Sparta and sent a message: "If I win this war, you will be slaves forever." In another version, Philip proclaims: "You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army into your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city." The Spartan leaders sent back a one word reply: "If." Subsequently, both Philip and Alexander would avoid Sparta entirely.

* During the Berlin Blockade, a Soviet radio tower was making life difficult for the newly constructed Tegel Airfield, so French general Jean Ganeval decided to simply blow it up. When a furious Soviet commander demanded how he could have done it, he responded, "With dynamite, my dear colleague."

* In the Korean War, after U.N. forces under American command were attacked by Chinese forces in the Battle of Chosin Reservoir, U.S. commander Jen. Chesty Puller made the remark, "We've been looking for the enemy for some time now. We've finally found him. We're surrounded. That simplifies things." He also reportedly said, "All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us...they can't get away this time", and "Great. Now we can shoot at those bastards from every direction." In the same battle, Major General Oliver P. Smith was widely quoted as saying, "Retreat? Hell, we're attacking in a different direction!"

* American President Calvin Coolidge had a reputation in private of being a man of few words and was nicknamed "Silent Cal." A possibly apocryphal story has it that Dorothy Parker, seated next to him at a dinner, said to him, "Mr. Coolidge, I've made a bet against a fellow who said it was impossible to get more than two words out of you." His reply: "You lose."

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alphawolf wrote:Kuiz...tapi kuiz ni takleh masuk thread kuiz...

Soalannya : Sakit apa yang paling sakit?

alphawolf wrote:Bukan...cuba lagi....

alphawolf wrote:Sebabnya? Kena bagi sebab baru valid....